Be in it for you

It was my birthday in 2008, and I wasn't happy. I was tired and lazy, sad and robotic; I was anything but me. I was constantly on the road, making bad food choices (I mean who is watching what you eat when you eat alone and in a hotel room four nights a week?), not exercising, becoming a very odd mixture of an introverted extrovert. It was during a grocery run for my typical Pumpkin Spice Latte birthday treat that I came across a Taekwondo school in the same shopping center.  My parents enrolled me in martial arts as a child, and I remembered enjoying it immensely.

Maybe this was what I needed. Maybe I needed something I would really enjoy, something that would be mine - all about me. I walked in the door of that amazing school as "less than", and two years later I walked out with a new family, a new sense of self, self awareness, pride, strength, courage, and a smile. I took my black belt test on December 4th, I believe, and I moved on December 12th, 2010. I was excited for this new chapter in my life, but I was not excited to leave my dojang. It wasn't long before I started to feel a bit lost, overwhelmed, weighted again.

I had a blast over the next year and a half - making mistakes, making friends, having adventures, throwing myself full force into a life that would fully become mine over a few short months. I spent time eating wonderful foods, creating long and true friendships, loving my family with everything I had, working, and living. Unfortunately, as life does, you sometimes find yourself in a similar place to which you promised you wouldn't return. I was working out, sure, but I wasn't healthy. I realized, as I took a new job that kept me home, it was time to drink the kool-aid, again.

I started Crossfit three months ago. I started to really understand food and my body. I started to get up at 5:30am to go through a tortuous and wonderful hour of sweat, cussing, and personal bests.  It is amazing how happy this makes me - this taking care of myself. How crazy is it that we always think we need to "be in it" for someone else. SURE! Love someone, give to them, be supportive and available, but what about you? Don't you think you deserve some you time? When I walked into the dojang, I couldn't focus on anything but what I was doing. If I did, well, I would mess up or get kicked in the head - neither of which was appealing. I did Taekwondo for me. I did not do it for my relationship; I did not do it for my friends or family; I did not do it for work or school; I did this for me. The beautiful thing in this is that all of my accomplishments were also for me. What an amazingly healthy way to be selfish.

And so here I find myself in it for me, again, and I hope always. My accomplishments, changes, pushes, challenges, sweat, and all things that go along with Crossfit are all for me. It makes me a better friend, daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, employee, and doggie mom.

And so, all of that rambling leads to one point - be in it for you (at least once each day). Find that thing - whatever it may be - and go do it. If you aren't happy with who you are, do something about it, seriously. The choice really is yours, but I promise once you make it, it seems to matter much less what other people think and bad days seem less bad. After all, at the end of the day, you're making you happy and others are just adding to it.