Moments

Life is full of moments: big moments, little moments, and every breath in between.

I haven't written in a while - sometimes all of these moments are a bit overwhelming, and to put them into words seems to bring about more emotion than I'm willing to concede.

The past three years have been some of the most wonderful, joy filled, agonizing, gut wrenching, fabulous, awakening, sad, beyond sad, and powerful moments of my life. I don't want to forget a single one of them. I find myself holding on to each moment, trying to savor them and lock them permanently into my mind in hopes that I can pull them out whenever needed. It's not really working.

These memories tend to just pop up whenever they wish, with complete disregard to what I am doing or where I am. It's quite rude, actually. I'm fairly certain it is a power greater than me giving me a little slap upside the head when I need a reminder of what really matters in life.

And here is truly the point of this post - the moments are what matter. The time I spend with all of the people so incredibly important in my life are some of the most amazing moments that I refuse to miss. I've missed so many already. The moment my dad took his last breath - that mattered. The moment I saw my niece and nephews for the first time, their first birthdays, their parent's weddings - those moments matter. The times I've been able to hold my mom when she needed me the most - those moments matter. The times my sister and I downed bottles of wine, the time she rescued me from the ski slope as I lay under a snow blower, the time my brother told me to give Atlanta 9 months, and if I still wanted to leave, he would come get me, the time my mom dropped me off at boarding school and then again at college, the times Gil took me on motorcycle rides and told me stories on rainy nights about his adventures, the times I have loved and been loved, the times that I have really lived, those are the moments that matter.

I so easily get caught up in the day to day that I rarely stop to take in the world around me - the moments that are being created right in front of my eyes without my awareness. I hope those times get fewer and farther between. I hope that I pay more attention to what matters and that I let go of what doesn't. With that thought, I'll sign off so that I can watch cartoons with my niece and her baby doll Marsha.