The Art of Giving it away... and a side story

We have been hearing so much lately about giving knowledge, time, talent away in order to share with our societies to increase success for everyone. When we share, it comes back to us ten fold. Yet, so many people have such a hard time with this concept. What is mine, is mine. If you want it, you can pay me for it... a lot for it. 

I was at dinner tonight at one of my favorite places (Farm Burger) because they have the best Quinoa burger I have ever tasted! So at the end of the meal, I asked if they would consider posting the recipe for this burger or at least giving it to me. I mean, it doesn't hurt to ask right? Of course, the manager was appalled that I would even ask. Of course not! How could we possibly GIVE you something that we want you to PAY for!

The problem with this thought process is that I wouldn't stop coming to Farm Burger if I had the recipe. Actually, I would probably do what I could to increase their business. Why? 1) I'm not always up for cooking the burger. It takes time and ingredients that I don't always have. 2) I would be so grateful for them sharing their knowledge that I would try to give back as much as I could to them. 3) I would be such a happy customer that I would send out the message to my tribe. I would put their recipe into the hands of other quinoa lovers who would, no doubt, blog about Farm Burger's recipe... hopefully generating even more business. 

Not at any point would sharing their knowledge have resulted in anything but positive action. Yet, all they could see is the archaic thought of what is mine is mine and you can't have it for less than....

So my question to you is, what would you say if I asked you for your recipe? 

And yes, another side story. The question: to dictate or lead?

Earlier today I heard my cat screeching if you will and it became apparent very quickly that she had a prize she was ready to share... a baby bird. Of course, I just about freak out because I can't stand to kill things, see them being killed, being a part of dying, etc. As I am about to move the floor mat, the bird bounces up and starts chirping to its mother that is now hovering above my head on a tree limb. The poor thing is way too young to fly: its wings aren't yet formed enough to do so. What to do? I can't touch it or else the mama bird won't want to have anything to do with it. So I wrangle all of the animals (two dogs and a cat) inside and then sit and watch from my couch to see what will happen.

Eventually, the mother bird figures out it is "safe" to come over to her baby. She brings food... a bribe if you will. I can tell it is a bribe because she keeps taunting the baby bird with it. If the baby wants it, he/she will have to jump off of the deck to the grass below. She keeps showing her baby over and over again what she wants her to do. Obviously, the baby has a mind of its own and wants nothing to do with the long drop. So what? Why am I telling this story? Because as I was watching this encounter, I realized that we all need to be shown and led in a direction. It isn't that we need someone telling us EXACTLY what to do, but we do need guidance. The mother bird wasn't pushing the baby off of the deck nor was she screeching and chirping at him/her, but just showing and leading the way. Whether or not the baby followed was up to it and the consequences of either choice was a direct result of what decision was made.

So when you see someone struggling, don't try to give step by step instructions (unless they are needed), but simply nudge and show/lead the way. What happens next is up to us.

No, I'm not a Seth Godin stalker, but perhaps we all should be...

I do realize that I have been talking a lot about Seth Godin lately, but I can't help it. Do you remember when you were a teenager and you had such angst about life? Well, for those of you in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties (get the picture?) - you know that the angst changes, but never goes away. As a matter of fact, I think I go through a crossroads of life every decade. At least it keeps me on my toes, right?

So it isn't that I am at a huge crossroads, but I do feel as though I'm at my own tipping point and I can decide to push myself over the edge or I can let my "lizard brain" win out and stay safely in the corner, clocking in and doing my job... never making waves, never attempting to do more, better, onward and upward. Of course, I don't REALLY have a choice because of who I am. Who I am always wins out against the lizard brain instinct. Let me take a minute, for those of you who don't know, to explain what I/Seth Godin means by lizard brain.

Your lizard brain is also known as the resistance. According to Seth Godin in his newest book, Linchpin, he has this to say about your lizard brain:

"The lizard brain is hungry, scared, angry, and horny.
 The lizard brain only wants to eat and be safe.
The lizard brain cares what everyone else thinks, because status in the tribe is essential to its survival.
A squirrel runs around looking for nuts, hiding from foxes, listening for predators, and watching for other squirrels. The squirrel does this because that's all it can do. All the squirrel has is a lizard brain.
The only correct answer to "Why did the chicken cross the road?" is "Because its lizard brain told it to." Wild animals are wild because the only brain they possess is a lizard brain.
The lizard brain is not merely a concept. It's real, and it's living on the top of your spine, fighting for your survival. But, of course, survival and success are not the same thing.
The lizard brain is the reason you're afraid, the reason you don't do all the art you can, the reason you don't ship when you can. The lizard brain is the source of the resistance."

See Seth's clip on Quieting your Lizard Brain:


Seth Godin: Quieting the Lizard Brain from 99% on Vimeo.


AH HA! So now I know what to call it; I know how to recognize it; I know how to defeat it, but it is STRONG and POWERFUL and PERSUASIVE! I know what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do and, and, and... but I haven't (well, I haven't shipped... I've talked about shipping and I've made progress, but I haven't pushed the button... not yet anyway). And so, my lizard brain has won out as of late. The resistance is standing strong and holding fast... but I'm going to kick it's butt. I think (NO, GET OUT OF MY HEAD... )... I will!

No, I don't have multiple personality disorder, but I have finally figured it out. It is our human, animalistic instinct to play it safe, to not push too hard or rock too fast. We are designed to not fail, to not question, to keep our "daemon" quiet... our genius if you will. The problem with that, for me at least, is that my daemon is strong and it is really ticked off that I have allowed my lizard brain to win out over time. I would argue that some of my closest friends and family would say, "are you kidding me? I don't think I have ever known you to NOT push, vocalize, quiet." But I have... I am... I do!

As I said in an earlier post, I fear failure... correction, my lizard brain fears failure. My daemon craves success, sharing, vocalizing, creating, challenging... And so far, the fight hasn't been all that fair. I haven't supported my daemon enough. I haven't given myself permission to "fail" to try, to succeed... because after all, isn't success just as scary as failure? I mean, if we succeed, we have to keep going right? If we do it, and it works, we can't say, "well, that was fun... see ya later!" NO, if we succeed, others will want to join the tribe, we will have to lead that tribe, we will have to CONTINUE to fight the lizard brain and man is that exhausting...

Then again, wouldn't it be even more exhausting to hide and live in fear of something we refer to as "lizard brain?"

Why wait?

Facebook is a marvelous thing. Yes, privacy issues, high expectations, blah, blah, blah... but all of those "we want it all and we want it now even though it is free and a social media tool for the world to see" feelings aside, allows us to reconnect with people we haven't seen in a long time. Some of those people were meaningful to us and so, to "see" them again is a better than great feeling. I have several of them on my page.

One of these friends was a huge part of my life my freshman year in college. That year that took my soul, ripped it from my chest, twisted it around in every which way and THEN tried to shove it back in to a place that no longer fit. Yes, it was an interesting year - wonderful and hard and so many things. My friends helped me survive that year and I have never forgotten them. So, back on track... This friend, we will call her Mary, was one of those people. We were crazy alike in personality - blunt but loyal, direct but caring... you get the drift. So Mary was one of my favorite people and I had missed her terribly over the years. When I found her again on facebook, I was able to see how very much she was the same and how very much she had grown. I loved it - every picture, every story, everything! Then I found her blog.

Now Mary was always an amazing writer, but her blog is so good that I find myself making time to read it - just to hear her stories in her voice. They make me laugh and cry all at the same time. Last night, I felt the need to tell her how much I appreciated her friendship, how much I miss it today and how phenomenal of a writer I think she is. Personally, I think the world is missing out on her writing and that she should rectify that situation with a book. I would buy it - I would buy it for all of my girlfriends... she is that good.

So I said thank you and then I said that I hope she would write a book. I knew that her life was busy, but even if it took 10 years, she should do it. She has a talent and we need a talent like hers in this insane world. Something to make us laugh and cry and call our girlfriends to talk about it.

I heard back from her this morning - it is amazing how little time and distance and different paths can do to a friendship: one rooted out of unconditional bonds. She said that my email was timed perfectly, for several reasons and that she had been thinking of writing a book but had always pushed it down. Perhaps my email was the reminder she needed. Maybe there is no longer a reason to wait - maybe there never was.

We all need to be pushed a little. No matter how daring or adventurous or confident or talented we are, taking that leap to do something bigger than we ever imagined is hard. It is scary and overwhelming. So make sure you can be that person for those you love and care about. Make sure you allow others to be that for you. We NEED people to do things bigger and better and the only way we will get that is for others to encourage and push and prod and, and, and....

Thank you Mary! I believe in you and I can't wait to buy a copy of your first book...

Borrowing from Seth Godin

Of course, I could borrow just about everything that Seth Godin has written and say, "Have you seen this???" I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the way he not only thinks, but also presents his thoughts.

Today, I came across this:

Simple five step plan for just about everyone and everything

by Seth Godin

100+ people liked this - you, and at least 100 more

The number of people you need to ask for permission keeps going down:
1. Go, make something happen.
2. Do work you're proud of.
3. Treat people with respect.
4. Make big promises and keep them.
5. Ship it out the door.
When in doubt, see #1.

Is there really any more to say?

Lucky

I am so incredibly lucky that I get to do what I do for a living. My friends think I am crazy, in a way, although I'm not sure they really understand what it is that I do - exactly. Yes, I am on the road most of the time. Yes, I work long hours and log many miles. I also get to meet incredible people everyday; I get to make a very real difference in this world; I get to see the impact of my hard work for years and years to come; and my circle of friends expands with every new client with whom I am privileged enough to work. On top of all of that I get to work with my amazing mother and learn from her everyday.

All of those reasons make me incredibly fortunate. Yet the number one reason I am the luckiest person alive is that I get to push the boundaries everyday. I don't have to work in a template fashion and I get to use my brain - all of it - to come up with the best possible solution to every challenge I encounter. How many people can say that? I hope more than I can imagine.

So when you find yourself griping about your job or your lot in life, think about the things that make you lucky. If the lucky doesn't outweigh the challenging, then DO something different. PLEASE do not continue down your path because it is "the best you can do right now." This is crap. After all "whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right."

I want to be Montana

I have a wonderful new client in Montana. I love them. I love Montana. I am happy to go home, but always sad to leave when it is time. I could end the blog there, but I won't. :-)

A couple of months ago, I was invited out by a wonderful friend to speak to a group of hospital fundraising and marketing professionals throughout the state of Montana at their bi-annual conference. First of all, I was ecstatic that I was going to be PAID to go to Montana and stay at the amazing Chico Hot Springs Resort. Second, I was getting paid to do something I love - speak about fundraising. Third, I was getting paid to meet new people, and not just any people, but some of the most wonderful, genuine and incredibly nice people I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Of course, I also got to ski a bit before the conference began and I can't say that was anything less than wonderful either.

So as you can see, Montana had me at hello. She was friendly, welcoming, dynamic, big, vast and all around something I wouldn't soon forget. I knew then that I wanted to be Montana. The trick was how to become more like her.

I was lucky enough at that conference to meet some amazing people who were in a tight spot with their current campaign counsel. They were ready to make a switch and invited me to come out and speak to their full board to see if it was a match. Of course, I knew it would be a match on my end, but after our meeting, it was a done deal. I would be out there for a week each month. WOOHOO!

I just returned from my first week and it was better than expected, which is saying a lot. The volunteers were amazing, the CEO was open and willing and very able, the staff were ready to go, easy to work with and incredibly talented. Can you ask for more? All of this surrounded by the amazing state of Montana and all of her charms.

I hope by the end of this contract, not only will we see tremendous success, but also that I will be one step closer to becoming more like her.

Risking failure

I drive myself crazy. I have been blogging in my head over the past year and intentionally not writing it down. I passed it off on being "too busy" or not wanting to share my thoughts with the world. What if someone read them and decided that not only was I "wrong," but also irrelevant.

I began reading Linchpin by Seth Godin today for school and within the first two pages that fire that has been in my belly began to reignite. It isn't that the fire had been extinguished, but that I had pushed it down. I have a life that I wasn't ready to disrupt, compromise, expand, change, etc. This is why I have not posted my "blogged" thoughts - that dang fire. It is nearly impossible to ignore and yet the risk of failure in the attempt to listen to it, follow it, promote it, push it was too great. What if I fail?

We have been taught from day one to not fail. Do not fail in school, do not fail in friendships, do not fail in love, do not fail your drivers test, do not FAIL! And now, here I sit, 32 years old being told in all of my favorite books, from all of my favorite instructors and peers, RISK FAILURE! What? How can I? What does that look like? What do the end results mean? Black and White. When did I become so black and white? And lets face it, I am... incredibly so.

I was having a conversation with one of my instructors/friends/peers/mentors a few weeks ago and as we began discussing something that has been igniting that fire in my belly since I left school last summer, I couldn't begin to fully embrace what I want most because there is too much grey area. I used to love grey - neither here nor there, left and right, up and down, yes and no. And there I sat, for the second time, holding back, questioning, FEARING failure. Because I didn't know what it looked like, what the outcomes would be, how we would make it happen, I couldn't say... YES! I couldn't say YES, I accept this challenge. If I fail, I fail, but I will learn more from that failure than I ever will by playing it safe, at least this is what I am told.

I know in my mind that staying the course is a failure in and of itself. I will become irrelevant - perhaps my worst fear. In risking failure, I open doors, opportunities, push boundaries, excel beyond my boarders. I know in my mind that I should do this, that, and the other - but to DO it... to actually DO and not just THINK about it all.

I cannot say that I will or won't. I cannot predict what the outcomes will be, regardless of my decisions. I can, however, continue reading and let the fire burn until I can no longer ignore it - push it back - redirect it... until I am ready to risk failure.