It's OK to Close Your Eyes during Yoga

I don't relax well.

I wake up in the morning with a usual jolt of anxiety. I immediately grab my phone, check my email, make sure I haven't missed any emergency calls, and turn off my alarm. I bolt out of bed, jump into my work out clothes, brush my teeth, grab my water bottle, keys, and wallet, and head to CrossFit.

This is how I start my day approximately 75% of the time. The other 25% of the time, I do the same thing minus the head to work out part.

Then my CrossFit box started offering yoga once a week. YES! I need this! I need to stretch and relax and be peaceful. I can totally do this. So I went. I tried. I really tried to just breathe, relax into the pose, close my eyes. Then I learned I don't like to close my eyes. Did you realize that when you breathe, relax, and close your eyes, your brain slows down just long enough for you to start feeling things - I mean, besides anxiety, stress, rushing, movement, go - go -GO! Yeah, I wasn't a fan.

I didn't close my eyes. No ma'am.

Then they make you REALLY relax at the end of it all. I am flat on my back, breathing deeply, and our awesome instructor comes over and puts his hands on my head and shoulders in a very soothing way and says to me, "It's ok to close your eyes during yoga. It's over now. You did it. Go ahead and close your eyes."  I resisted the urge to say, if only you knew me a little more, that statement would make you laugh. But I do it. I close my eyes. I relax. I breathe. I feel - and so many emotions come through - none of which I'm terribly pleased to have presented to me.

And then it's over. I head home feeling slightly strange until I pick up my phone, check my email, look at my calendar for the day, listen to voicemail, and start the rushing again.

I immediately make a promise to go to every yoga class I can. I don't relax well. I'd like to change that.